Commentary: To save a marriage

  • Published
  • By Airman 1st Class Trevor T. McBride
  • 48th Fighter Wing Public Affairs
ROYAL AIR FORCE LAKENHEATH, England --  

As a newlywed, I was quick to enlist, volunteer my services to the U.S. Air Force and provide my wife a better life. As I went through the process, I discovered that success required a major investment of time.

Time became sparse in my life, and I had to make good use of the time I had by working on personal fitness and focusing on my skills as a photojournalist. I was so worried about my personal looks and doing my job that I started neglecting my wife.

My marriage was starting to fail and I started to wonder what I was doing to be a good husband to Katie.

My marriage wasn't a priority.

I was taking better care of my truck than I was of my marriage.

Realizing this, I took some time to truly ask for help. I didn't turn to my family, best friend or co-workers, instead, I knelt down and prayed for help. I wanted to show Katie I was going to change and this time for real.

With no direction, I blindly tried to fix our marriage by doing the "little things." I changed my priorities and started bringing home flowers, picking up the clothes I usually left on the floor, listening to her and being more affectionate.
I thought I was hitting home runs. Little did I know, in Katie's mind, I was striking out. We started to disagree, and I used my efforts on the "little things" as an excuse.

I was failing.

Coincidently, my leadership provided me with the opportunity to attend a marriage care retreat hosted by the base chapel. Katie and I were able to get away for the weekend to a beautiful resort known as Dunston Hall.

At the marriage retreat, we were able to learn the true meaning of the vows we gave on our wedding day. We strengthened ourselves by sitting knee-to-knee looking into each other's eyes learning the importance of 'I take you,' 'for better or for worse,' 'to have and to hold,' and 'to love and to cherish.'

The most important concept we took from the retreat was to understand each other's love language. In other words, Katie and I realized we have completely different ways of expressing how we love one another. With the tools we gained, we are now able to hold a more productive conversation.

Thanks to the RAF Lakenheath Chapel, my marriage is growing.

Today, Katie and I cherish our time together, doing the "little things" we actually care about, focusing on building more on our marriage and fully committing to God within our relationship.

I have learned the true value of time. Positive time spent with Katie gives me an open mind throughout the rest of my day, making my job easier.

We are thankful for the military resources presented to help us mature, as husband and wife, till death do us part.

For more information on marriage resources, contact the base chapel at 226-3711.