Dealing with stress for warriors at war

  • Published
  • By Lt. Col. Douglas Jenkins
  • 48th Fighter Wing Exercises, Inspections and Readiness Division
ROYAL AIR FORCE LAKENHEATH, England --  Feeling stressed? It happens to everyone. It is how you get there and how you deal with it that enables either your continued success or a downward spiral into the pit o' woe.

Make no mistake about it, we are a nation, military, Air Force and wing at war. This is inherently stressful. Even if you don't consciously think about it on a daily basis, it is there. As a warrior at war, I expect you to be under some stress, it improves your performance. It is when the stress exceeds the useful threshold, when it hinders your performance instead of enhancing it, that you should become concerned and start to seek ways to reduce the stress you are under.

How do you do that? Now there's the question. All I can offer is my two cents worth. The words I have to offer work for me and for many folks I know but they may or may not work for you. Please read them anyway on the off chance that they just might help you or someone you know at some point in your life and Air Force career.

My first words of advice are to never have any regrets. Never walk away from anything saying "I wish I would have..." or "If only I would have tried harder maybe I could have..." these are the things that will haunt you for a lifetime and cause more stress than you may be aware of. The way I think about this one is simple. I imagine myself on my front porch in a rocking chair in my (obviously still distant) golden years. As I replay my life I want to be at peace with the decisions I made. I do not want to look back and see missed opportunities that still haunt me. As I consider decisions large and small I apply the "rocking chair" test and see how the alternatives stack up. This particular test almost always yields the choice I believe is right. This inherently reduces stress.

The second premise I support is the proper balance of work and play. Keeping in mind what I said in the opening paragraph I still believe that it is possible, even necessary, to make sure you have time for yourself and your family (for those so equipped). The two imperatives may seem mutually exclusive but they are not. Remember the "all work and no play" maxim? It still applies. If you work 12 plus hours per day Monday to Friday and then find yourself drawn to the workplace on weekends as well, stop and think. Odds are you have failed to find the balance that is critical to a healthy life. There is no task so big that it can not be put off until tomorrow. I could stay in my office until 2200 every day and not get done every task on my "to do list" or I can go to the gym at 1700 and pick up the same list in the morning.

Regardless of when you leave the Air Force (be it after your first enlistment, 20 years or 30 years), someone else will move into your old desk and do your old job the day after you leave. Within a week the Air Force will have no corporate memory of you. Now you still have an entire life ahead of you, likely with a spouse and perhaps children. If you have sacrificed your family in an effort to enhance your career you have created a situation where you suddenly find yourself getting ready to spend the rest of your life with people you may not know very well and with whom you now need to completely re-build a trusting relationship.

I have heard too many farewell speeches where the military member has apologized to their spouse for the long hours they have worked, the significant events that they missed and the vacations they did not take. Remember paragraph one? The mission is important, but when you are in garrison you and your family are important too. If you do not find the proper balance, you and your family will suffer. In the end the stress this causes will make you a less productive Airman as you strive to be the ultra-Airman.

You may be having trouble reconciling the thoughts I have offered: "we are at war," "have no regrets" and "balance." They are not mutually exclusive. There are different kinds of regrets. In every decision, whether career, personal or professional, you must consider all aspects and decide which is most important and what you would regret the most. While it may not seem easy, with practice you can examine all facets and see where the right choice is. Once you find that balance I believe you will find that the stress level in your life, and the lives of those around you, will fall from the "painful" level to the "performance enhancing" level. Give it a try.